Lying on the couch on a Saturday, debating whether to call Travis and go to the movies, or stay put and watch the Sox-Yanks - a decision I lately haven't had the luxury of making. Due to some sort of brain sickness I started taking classes (1,2) again this summer, and the last ten weeks have been very packed, culminating in two papers and a final this past week. Still have a final and presentation on Tuesday, but I'm allowing myself a little brain break.

I've gone through a couple ups and downs, mentally. I started very excited, my intention was to prove to myself, and the Powers That Be, that I could do this, that the coursework was up my alley and well within my abilities. The goal, to bull my way into the Computer Fraud Investigations program. And the work certainly hasn't been all that difficult. However I've gotten report after report from my friend Emily about the shortcomings of the program. So that's become pretty discouraging. I've spent (wasted?) four years since graduation looking for a program that'd keep my interest. I never wanted to get a grad degree just to get a degree. I thought I'd finally found it, but now I have serious questions as to whether or not the program is worth it.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained though, right? Isn't that how it goes? So I can sit an mope and bemoan my poor decisions or ill luck, or whatever, or I can boot myself in the ass and make a difference for myself.

It's been an educational summer, though. I've learned that I haven't learned a thing in nine years, and I can still slack as effectively as I could freshman year. Procrastination and time management are still my arch-nemeses. I mean, I'm writing this rather than studying, right? Those papers this week were brought to you by adrenaline and Red Bull. It's no way to live.

I learned that there are far dumber people than me that get into, and complete these programs, and that has helped steel my determination to do this. Keeps me from feeling overwhelmed. I also am starting to realize that I don't absorb things quite so well as I used to. It makes the studying and such, frustrating, because I have to keep notes on the reading now, and that makes it much more time consuming.

TiVo has been a saving grace, though I'm still not at peak efficiency with it. I should be saving shows for the slack hours of the weekend. Getting there. Travel's pretty much out, too. It's hard to argue with the carefree world-travelling life of a single professional twenty-something-er. But classes gut any real chance of that - reduce you to maybe 5 weeks out of the year that you might have the chance to disappear.

I could go on, I suppose. It all comes down to discipline. I'm sure with a little effort I can find enough time in the week to work, go to class, eat (and wash the dishes), laundry, clean, study, write papers, read, get my Sun certification, have a beer, learn the ins and outs of my Mac, catch up on the news, do my research for the upcoming fantasy football season, organize music, write, watch the Sox, and just relax. Of course, finding time to map all this out is a little difficult. :-)

So I've got some quiet time, i've got a glass of chocolate milk, and I've got some thinking to do.